Responsibility and Others

I read an article that a robbery suspect might be suing the good Samaritan who subdued him during a robbery for “excessive force.”  Excuse me?  The guy tried to rob a Starbucks with a knife, and when a hero tried stopping him, the hero was stabbed in the neck before stabbing the suspect a couple of times with his own knife.  Son, if you did this in Ohio instead of California, I would have just shot your ass.  Technically speaking, I would have drawn my legally concealed firearm and held you there until police came or you can running after me.  At that point I would have shot your ass.  Well, if Starbucks didn’t allow conceal carry, I wouldn’t be doing business there, so I guess they can feel free to rob Starbucks.

ANYWAYS… I guess I should get to my point.  Responsibility.  TV shows and movies portray a myth that if you take responsibility and accept what you have done, you will sleep better.  That is not the case.  Look, I can understand the desire to not be blamed for bad shit that we cause.  I really do.  I have done some shit in my life that I did not want to take responsibility for, but I did.  As much as it sucked, I did.  Mistakes from my past still haunt me to this day, not because I haven’t accepted it or taken responsibility, but because they were stupid mistakes I should have never made.  I am embarrassed by some of my mistakes.  I can still feel the consequences of these mistakes.  Having asked both God and those affected for forgiveness does not wipe out my guilt.  Some say that beating yourself up and reliving the sin is a sin in itself.  The pain of the mistakes will fade over time until it comes back at 2:00 AM and hits you in the face like a shovel, waking you up with the feelings of panic and dread.

These pains and struggles follow Evan Willcox in The Event series.  (Yay!  I actually tied something back to the books!)  The character of Evan Willcox is based off me.  I have made a considerable amount of mistakes since I began writing the series, but the torment I feel over some of these mistakes are shown throughout the books.  One of my goals in writing is to show people that they are not alone with their struggles.  We all have our demons, and we all have our crosses that we must bear.  I do not lay my soul out for everyone one to see because I am brave (because I am not).  I do it in the hopes that one day, I can help at least one person realize that even though life is hard, and we make the dumbest of mistakes, life is still worth living.  I do not want pity, nor do I want others to take pity on the people struggling.  I want those who are stronger to lend a hand to those who are currently weak, for people to think about the welfare of someone else instead of their own–for us to act like compassionate human beings once again.