Storms

It’s that time of year again where thunder storms roll through the night.  You can either fear them or enjoy them.  I tend to enjoy them; however, Will usually does not like storms at all.  Sometime in the wee hours of the morning, I was awoken by the brightest flash that pierced through my eyelids, quickly followed by a deafening clash of thunder.  I spent the next few moment lying in bed waiting for a meltdown only a parent of a developmentally disabled or autistic child would know.  Nothing.  Maybe the storm literally scared Will to death.  Extremely unlikely.  Maybe he slept through it.  Again, unlikely.  I decided the best course of action was to do nothing.  If I checked on him, it might trigger the meltdown I was expecting to happen.

When he woke me up to help get him off the potty, he asked me if I heard that really loud thunder last night.  I, of course, said I had.  He asked me what time it was.  I couldn’t tell him an exact time.  He then states, “It wasn’t that scary this time.  Maybe it was a dream instead.”  I was shocked!  In a year, he has grown up so much; matured so much.  There was no need to hover over him like a worried parent during this storm.  He had it covered, and he was very confident about it.

One of the hardest things for a parent is to walk that fine line of helping and letting children figure things out on their own.  I also have a typical son who is a couple of years older.  Children can sometimes act like the dumbest of creatures Darwin would have assumed doomed.  How can this child possibly do this complex task when I have to tell him to put down a bag in order to be able to open up a door?  Then, out of nowhere, children will surprise you by doing something so out of character you wonder if you are dreaming or dead.

Storms come and go just as special moments in our lives do.  One of the most satisfying moments in a parent’s life is knowing that your child has this; that he/she can do this without help.  We still want to help because we are parents, but in some cases, the best help is not helping at all.

Happiness?

It has been a while since I have posted anything here.  I have been both busy and lazy.  During this time, a question kept nagging me.  What is happiness, and why aren’t we always happy?  That is a questions I have struggled with over the last year.

First off, what is happiness?  Is it a state or a decision?  Can you be happy and still have other emotions that might be considered negative?  I think the answer to all of those is yes.  Happiness is a state of being where you are at least content with where you are at.  Sometimes, it is a decision to be happy.  Many people say, “fake it until you make it,” but the problem with that is you start believing you are happy when you really are not.  This causes people to settle for things in life that make them unhappy.

So, why are we not all happy  all of the time?  Life.  I have been divorced, lost my job, and sued in a short manner of time.  No matter what, I always looked at the positives.  These life events made me realized a few things.  I was not happily married.  I found myself angry and upset most of the time at home.  That job I was eliminated from?  I hated it.  I only stayed there because they paid me too much to do very little actual work, but the job and culture turned toxic years ago.  The lawsuit?  Well, that was not really my fault, but that is the reason I carry insurance.

What does all of this prove?  Probably nothing, but to me it proves that bad things happen in life.  Sometimes, just sometimes, it makes you realize you were not happy after all, and it shows you why not.  From there, you can do things that make you happy and not repeat the mistakes of the past.  Working for myself might not pay as well, but I do not have to worry about coat-riding fucktards that get all of the credit for work they never did while I get told to do less work so some foreigner can take my job.  I might not be in the best place and really happy yet, but I am in a much better place than I was last year.  I’ll take it.