It’s Been a Struggle

I would be lying if I said life was great.  I would love to not have to struggle.  I sarcastically ask why it’s so difficult to have food, insurance, and billions of dollars without having to work for it.  Granted, that is Millennial bullshit, but it shows the glimmer of a child’s view of the world.  Life is a struggle, especially when going through a divorce/dissolution.  I see it too often when parents bicker and try to screw over the other person, even in equal-split, no-fault states.  Children are resilient young people.  As long as the parents try to be civil, the children should be fine.  It is much harder for the parents to keep up the happy façade.  We adults are much more entrenched in who we are.  It’s difficult to see past the hurt, the failings of both ourselves and the other person.  Waking up in the middle of the night with panic attacks worrying about things I have little control over sucks, it sucks bad.  Too often, we neglect ourselves as we try to make sure our kids are fine.  I know I am guilty of that.  I am no use to my kids dead or paralyzed by fear and worry.  It is easy to tell myself everything will work out.  It’s easy to say things like, “Don’t worry about what you cannot change.”  It is much more difficult to follow and abide by those things that I know to be true.  I know I will survive, but sometimes, I just don’t know how.