What We Are Here For

At some point in our lives, we question why we are here.  Are we here specifically to worship a god?  Are we here to just procreate and keep our species going?  Is there even a reason we exist?  I know I am not the only one who has asked these questions.  Here is a question: Does it even matter?  We all have our own religious beliefs.  Yes, atheism is actually a religious belief.  I hate it when people try and push their religion on me, so I do not press mine on them.  I just live my life how I think I should (with a bunch of added shit I know I shouldn’t).

I have a challenge, but first, there has to be some back story.  In today’s world, especially with the younger generation, people are only worried how everything affects them.  We get into pointless arguments with people who hold no value in truth.  They only value their thoughts and beliefs, and if we hold some other view, we are condemned.  Instead of trying to empathize with the other person or figure out why they think the way they do, these people lash out and attack.  Why?  In a society where everyone gets a trophy, people are not being taught there are other solutions to problems.  If we don’t like someone, it is always their fault (think about politics).  The challenge for us is to change that.

Change starts with ourselves.  We cannot change other people, but during our interactions with people, we can, perhaps, open their eyes to a new way of thinking.  Throughout The Event series, Evan Willcox brought new ways of thinking to alien societies.  As is in the real world, it is often met with fierce resistance.  He always tries to do what he thinks is best, but it never ends up like he thinks it should.  Something unexpectedly bad always happens.  Why?  He fails to see the bigger picture.

So, why are we here?  People think they know, but really, no one can be sure until we die.  In the meantime, we should be the best version of ourselves that we can be.  Yes, we will make mistakes, but we must learn from those mistakes.  I will tell you that I will be here to expand my boys’ horizons, and make them think outside the box.  They should ask why all the time.  I will also be here to try and make people’s lives around me better.  I might not be the best person in the world (far from it, actually), but I will do what I can to help those around me in their time of need.  Perhaps, that is while we are here.  Acquisition of material things at the expense of our friends and family is pointless.  We cannot take it with us, but we can lose everyone that we care about in the process.  Let’s quit worrying about why others are wrong and worry more on improving ourselves and helping the people close to us.

Walls

We take walls for granted.  Wall separate the area you sleep in from the area you shit in.  Walls were erected throughout history to keep foreign invaders out of a kingdom.  Walls make sense.  We also build up metaphorical walls around us so we do not get hurt.  Often after a painful event, we build walls around us to keep us safe.  Even though these walls make sense, are they good?  We all do it.  It could be from a nasty breakup, the death of a family member, a tragic event, or a friend’s betrayal.  We don’t want to get hurt again.

While walls might stabilize our present state of mind so we can deal with our own emotions, they are detrimental to our development.  Just as we cannot grow if we stay within our walls, neither can we let people in.  We have all been hurt by someone, and while we say we want to let people in, our actions contradict that.  This isn’t to say we shouldn’t have walls, but we need to know when to tear them down.

I have been following my character’s (Evan Willcox) approach, and it has not been helping.  I followed the approach because it is me.  It is how I would have reacted to the underlying situations in the books.  Sometimes it takes an unbiased outsider to make you see your mistakes, to tell you that you’re doing it wrong, to think.  I have built walls that have been standing for years.  I built walls so high that I could no longer feel.  I did not want to feel.  Unfortunately, it has been unfair to my family, friends, and those who have tried getting close to me in the past.

How long have these walls been standing?  After a lot of reflection (and still more to go), close to twelve years.  Not knowing whether my youngest son would survive for nearly two years takes its toll.  I thought I had to be the unwavering rock the family needed to survive.  I could not show weakness.  I buried my emotions deep in the dungeons of my soul and built the strongest walls I could.  Unfortunately, I took care of those walls for too long.  Every time someone knocked some bricks loose in my wall, I would repair it and add another layer.  This practice is self destructive.  Over the last twelve years, I have grown, but I have been confined by my walls.  I can no longer do that.  I do not want to end up like Evan Willcox in my books.  It is weird how a sci-fi action/adventure book can be a prophecy of what is to come even though I had no idea at the time.  What is even more surprising is that in this fourth book, Evan Willcox either self destructs or tears down his walls.  I guess I wanted to tear down my own personal walls, but I had forgotten they existed.  I wrote about it without knowing why I wrote about it.  I believe everything in life can teach us many lessons.  We just have to have our eyes open enough to see them and our minds open to accept them.

Inspiration and a New Book

I finally seriously started writing the fourth book in The Event series.  I wrote a few pages back in October while waiting for a flight back form Dallas.  It was an odd trip ending with my Bengals getting thrashed by the Cowboys, but it was still a good trip.  Sitting in the airport, I wanted to be productive, so I started writing.  I did not really know what I wanted to do with the story though.  I had a concept, but I just could not find that magic theme that makes me want to tell the story.

Inspiration comes in a variety of forms.  It could be a song, something you witness, or someone in your life.  Timing has a massive effect on inspiration.  Back in October, I did not know what was going on in my life.  There were some good, and there was some really shitty.  Inspiration could have smacked me in the face with a shovel, and I doubt I would have even noticed.  Fast forward to June, and things seem a lot better.  The divorce, lawsuit, and job loss were out of the way, but I still had my struggles.  I wanted to start writing again, but with everything going on, I did not give it much thought.

This time, inspiration hit me in the face with a shovel, and I did pay attention.  So far, each book has had its own style and theme while keeping the characters in tact.  This book is no different.  Some of the characters will remain, but this story will focus on the mental fuckupedness (yes, I made up that word) caused by trauma, attempting to deal with that, and hoping to move past it.

I might not have every aspect planned out, but it is a story I want to tell, and I am excited to get underway.  Just like life, I do not know what is always going to happen, but I am thankful for the good times and the bad.  I am truly thankful for those who stick with me and those who are the inspirations that allow me to do this.

Happiness?

It has been a while since I have posted anything here.  I have been both busy and lazy.  During this time, a question kept nagging me.  What is happiness, and why aren’t we always happy?  That is a questions I have struggled with over the last year.

First off, what is happiness?  Is it a state or a decision?  Can you be happy and still have other emotions that might be considered negative?  I think the answer to all of those is yes.  Happiness is a state of being where you are at least content with where you are at.  Sometimes, it is a decision to be happy.  Many people say, “fake it until you make it,” but the problem with that is you start believing you are happy when you really are not.  This causes people to settle for things in life that make them unhappy.

So, why are we not all happy  all of the time?  Life.  I have been divorced, lost my job, and sued in a short manner of time.  No matter what, I always looked at the positives.  These life events made me realized a few things.  I was not happily married.  I found myself angry and upset most of the time at home.  That job I was eliminated from?  I hated it.  I only stayed there because they paid me too much to do very little actual work, but the job and culture turned toxic years ago.  The lawsuit?  Well, that was not really my fault, but that is the reason I carry insurance.

What does all of this prove?  Probably nothing, but to me it proves that bad things happen in life.  Sometimes, just sometimes, it makes you realize you were not happy after all, and it shows you why not.  From there, you can do things that make you happy and not repeat the mistakes of the past.  Working for myself might not pay as well, but I do not have to worry about coat-riding fucktards that get all of the credit for work they never did while I get told to do less work so some foreigner can take my job.  I might not be in the best place and really happy yet, but I am in a much better place than I was last year.  I’ll take it.

Paranoid

American is becoming paranoid, yet completely ignorant.  Take the matter on guns and gun control.  It is so engrained in our culture the be able to own and use guns, but people forget that.  Thirty years ago, it was acceptable to bring your rifle and ammo to school so you and a couple of buddies could squirrel hunt after.  I am sure there were school shooting back then, but maybe not as many.  Then again, at schools where this was possible were much less “congested” with students with a lot less pressure from both society and other students.

Should there be gun control?  Sure…. to a limited point.  We do not want violent criminals or people with mental issues carrying a bunch of guns an ammo.  Guess what?  We already have those laws on the books.  What about drug dealers?  Those laws exist too.  I was reading an article in American Rifleman where given a scenario (very possible) if the law were to be enforce, this person would spend over 1,000 years in jail for violating gun laws.  If we need more laws, fine, but let’s first enforce the ones we have before we create any more.

Most of us who legally carry a firearm respect the law and obey it.  We’re not shooting up schools, banks, or store.  Almost all of the time, the person who commits these acts has already violated the law and should have already been pushed.  Next think you know, they’ll start banning knives and require permits to have kitchen knives because those can be jut as deadly as gun.

Trilogy Done

It has been a few weeks since the last post.  I have not been lazy.  Between school, work, the son’s football, and getting the books finished up, it has been rather crazy.  Regardless, The Amanai Resistance: Second Edition and The Amanai Resolution have been completed and are available on Amazon.  This means the trilogy is complete.  I might do a spin-off of The Event series, but that will have to wait until things settle down.  Unless I start doing cocaine, I am going to need sleep at some point.

What Day Is it?

I know I have stated many times that I have been very busy.  Some things are starting to calm down.  In a week, the cows will be taken to the butchers.  That is a good thing as the basement project, although finished, has put me in the hole a bit.  The Amanai Resolution is done and edited.  I have to admit that I feel a bit more calm as of late, but that could be the whiskey.  Either way, I feel relaxed and much better than I have in a long while.  That will probably all disappear in a few days, but I will take it while I can.

Done’ish

The Amanai Resolution is on paper.  Editing should be done soon.  The book cover is scheduled to be done on June.  I have to admit that I am excited the story is concluding.  I think this has evolved nicely from the first through the third.  I would be worried about what to do with my time now, but I have a plethora of things to do to keep me busy.

Through Chapter 26

I have through chapter 26 written in The Amanai Resolution.  I only have a few more chapters until the story is on paper.  Editing has been going on with the earlier chapters, so I am confident the book will be done by the end of summer.  It has been a couple of weeks since my last post, but I have been very busy.  In fact, I am still very busy, so that will be all for this one.  I must finish these last chapters.